0340: The Ides of March – Chapter 2, Part 2

Title: The Ides of March

Author: eventidespirit 

Topic: Gundam Wing, Sailor Moon, LOTR

Media: Anime

Genre: Humor, Adventure

URL: Chapter 2 

Critiqued by: Em Kay

Greetings and salutations, Wardens and lunatics. I’m Em Kay, your snarker for the day, and with me is the very reluctant Harri.

Harri: Just get on with it. I’ve put this off long enough already.

Alright, alright. Today we’re finishing up this Sailor Moon x LOTR x supposedly Gundam Wing crossover, although that part hasn’t shown itself yet. This is the last half of the last chapter, though, so at least in theory it should appear in here somewhere.

Last time, we were treated to another long, rambling, supposedly Lord of the Rings flavored “parody” in the not-fic portion of the fic before the author finally got around to the actual fic. With Amy as the new protagonist, we were subjected to an equally boring but somehow even dumber scene of Ms. Haruna, the newly promoted principal of their school, being vain, obsessed with hot pink, and pining over Jadeite, or as she knows him, Mr. Jed. Amy eventually got fed up with Ms. Haruna’s new characterization and bailed, heading to the bathroom.

0336: The Ides of March – Chapter 2, Part 1

Title: The Ides of March

Author: eventidespirit 

Topic: Gundam Wing, Sailor Moon, LOTR

Media: Anime

Genre: Humor, Adventure

URL: Chapter 2 

Critiqued by: Em Kay

Greetings and salutations, Wardens and lunatics. I’m Em Kay-

Harri: And I’m impatient.

And that would be Harri, the cranky assassin.

Harri: I don’t like delays.

You’ll get your turn with the fic once I’m done, and then you can take out as many characters as your twisted little heart desires.

Harri: My jobs are for business, not pleasure. Although there have been a few people I’ve considered doing without pay. You know, as a… public service.

Riiiight. Anyway, we’re starting the second chapter today, so let’s get to the recap.

Last time, every teacher at Serena’s school conveniently quit and were subsequently replaced by canon villains who are somehow now both good and incredibly stupid. Jadeite convinced Serena to spy on her teacher-turned-principal, which was immediately forgotten in favor of introducing some vague characters supposedly from Gundam Wing.

Harri: As much as this fic jumps around, I doubt they’ll last very long.

True.

The madness continues…

We know. You’re in the Asylum for a reason, deary.

0330: The Ides of March – Chapter 1, Part 2

Title: The Ides of March

Author: eventidespirit 

Topic: Gundam Wing, Sailor Moon, LOTR?

Media: Anime

Genre: Humor, Adventure

URL: The Ides of March 

Critiqued by: Em Kay

Greetings and salutations, Wardens and lunatics. I’m Em Kay, and today we’re finishing off the first chapter of this supposed Sailor Moon, Gundam Wing, and potentially Lord of the Rings crossover that has had neither Gundam Wing nor LOTR so far.

Harri, idly twirling her dagger in her chair under the clock: Truly a crime against humanity.

And Harri is also here.

Harri: I wouldn’t be if you’d just let me do my job.

You’re not the only one with a job here. You can do yours once I’m done with mine. Anyway, let’s get to the recap.

Last time, we had a long, rambling LOLRandom intro where all the Sailor Scouts fought each other over various LOLRandom things before finally getting to the actual fic. Unfortunately for us, the supposed plot of that fic is that Serena’s mother lost her marbles over the Ides of March and called everyone in town in the middle of the night to warn them about the vagueness of the bad things that could happen.

Harri: Can we get on with it, already?

Fine.

0326: The Ides of March – Chapter 1, Part 1

Title: The Ides of March

Author: eventidespirit 

Topic: Gundam Wing, Sailor Moon, LOTR?

Media: Anime

Genre: Humor, Adventure

URL: The Ides of March 

Critiqued by: Em Kay

Greetings and salutations, Wardens and lunatics. Today I’ve got not one, but two new canons for the Asylum; Sailor Moon and Gundam Wing.

Since there’s no way around the infodumping and I am fairly familiar with Sailor Moon, we’ll start there.

Sailor Moon is the English dub of the Japanese anime Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon, and aired in the US in the mid 1990s. I specify this because there are some plot differences between the original Japanese version and the English dub thanks to American children’s television regulations at the time and this fic seems to be pulling specifically from that version.

0284: Duo X Reader Oneshot Collection Part Two

Title: Duolingo X Reader [RE-VISED]

Author: RandomIdiotHere

Medium: Mobile App?

Topic: Duolingo

Genre: Cursed, Bad, Cringe, Whydididothis

Heeello, dear denizens of the interwebs and readers of the Asylum. I’m Linstar, and today I’m back with the final three fics that I arbitrarily picked out of the Wattpad Duolingo section. Are these ones longer? Yes. Are they more insane and horrifyingly awful? Also yes.

All of those genres are accurate, by the way.

More tasteful than most of the other covers, I’ll grant.

0214: Please Step Into the Grav Shaft (Oneshot)

Title: Please Step Into the Grav Shaft
Author: PhantasmalFire
Topic: System Shock 2
Media: Video Games
Genre: Humor/Parody
URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12733945/1/Please-Step-Into-the-Grav-Shaft
Critiqued by Crazy Minh

WARNING! ANIMAL ABUSE!

Hello, wonderful Lunatics, and welcome back to The Asylum! I’m your riffer of the day, Crazy Minh, and today we’re looking at a System Shock 2 fanfic by the title of Please Don’t Step Into the Grav Shaft. Before we jump into the riff proper, I have a minor admin message, and the customary infodump.

For the admin message, I’d like to officially announce that riffer Yukisnowpoet, one of our founding wardens, is leaving the site for the time being due to real-life scheduling conflicts regarding work.

Yuki has been a fantastic member of our little group, and has made considerable contributions to our first year of operation. This parting of ways has been amicable, and we wish Yuki the best in all of her future endevours. Hopefully we’ll see her again soon, but for now, she has retired with honours.

I’d also like to welcome Mister Shoebox, M.S., and (former Librarian) BatJamags to our riffing cast! Give them a big hand, folks! Due to our expanded cast of wardens, we’ll be switching to a two-week rota where each member of the core riffing cast will be posting from Monday to Thursday every two weeks.

For example, I’ll be taking my usual Thursday slot, but Bats will be alternating with me every other Thursday. Fridays will be reserved for guest riffs, and weekends will be for collaberations and group riffs. This change will take effect on the last Monday of this month.

Now, for the infodump, since we have a new canon.

0192: Your Friend is Getting Sued, Charlie Brown!

Title: Your Friend is Getting Sued, Charlie Brown!

Author: WileE2005

Topic: Peanuts

Media: Comics

Genre: Humor/Parody

URL: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/12698228/1/Your-Friend-is-Getting-Sued-Charlie-Brown

Greeetings, and welcome to Spooktober.

Today I have a Peanuts fic for you. Specifically, a fic based on the 1966 animated TV special, It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, (despite being in the comics section). As it pertains to this fic, however, a character named Linus sits in a pumpkin patch waiting for the Great Pumpkin, a supernatural being that never shows.

In this fic, Sally tries to sue Linus for… something. In the legal sense, this fic is too incoherent and LOLRandom to actually be host to a Mary Sue. Be warned.

0128: 4th of July Safety Tips – Oneshot

Title: 4^th of July Safety Tips

Author: Barry Bubblestein

Topic: Wreck-It-Ralph

Media: Film

Genre: Humor, Parody

URL: 4th of July Safety Tips

Critiqued by: Em Kay

Attention Wardens and lunatics!

Nominations are now open for the Asylum’s upcoming awards! If you would like to nominate this or any other fic in the Asylum for Most Glaring Sue/Stu, Most Insane Moment, or any other category you can think up, let us know in the comments. And keep an eye out in October when we will open the voting to the public!

Greetings and salutations, Wardens and lunatics. I’m Em Kay, your snarker for the day, and today we’re taking a break from The Sue-ening.

*Em pulls out a laptop covered in stickers of various holiday symbols.*

That’s right, it’s time for another festive crack fic holiday fic. Please hold your boos until the end.

Summer in the US means fireworks, especially the closer it gets to Independence Day. So, in honor of my neighbor’s insistence on shooting the damn things off until 11pm every single night since June first, today’s fic is called 4^th of July Safety Tips. Because if there’s anything a drunk redneck yelling “THAT’S how we do this shit!” over and over again knows about, it’s safety.

This fic hails from the Wreck-It-Ralph section of ff.net, so let’s get a little infodumping out of the way first.

0092: Egg Hunt, Part 2

Title: Egg Hunt

Author: CrazyBakaLover

Topic: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power

Media: TV Show

Genre: Humor

URL: Egg Hunt

Critiqued by: Em Kay and Conan the Snakebarian

Greetings and salutations, Wardens and lunatics. I’m Em Kay, this *gestures to the Teapot of Snake* is Conan, and we’re back with the second half of our She-Ra Easter fic.

Harri: Oh, do I not count?

You put your name in the Critiqued by field, you get an introduction.

*Harri rolls her eyes and returns her attention to her dagger.*

Conan: Sss ss ssss?

Yes, to the recap.

Last time, Angella hid brightly colored eggs all around Bright Moon and was amazed that Glimmer and Adora actually managed to find them. Then they moved on to the bonus round, where Angella had hidden eggs all over the planet. The plot assured us that the other princesses had already found their kingdoms’ eggs so the Best Friend Squad decided to head to the motherfucking Fright Zone to find the last fifteen. We last left them teleporting into Hordak’s lab and grabbing eggs out of Entrapta’s prehensile hair.

Not that I’m looking forward to returning to The Unmysterious Sue Named Raina, but we won’t be rid of that until we get this one overwith. Let’s go.

0090: Egg Hunt, Part 1

Title: Egg Hunt

Author: CrazyBakaLover

Topic: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power

Media: TV Show

Genre: Humor

URL: Egg Hunt

Critiqued by: Em Kay and Conan the Snakebarian

*The office is darker than usual, thanks to the steel panels still barring the window and door. Harri is draped over her chair, idly twirling her dagger, while Conan uses his tail to rifle through the somewhat depleted snack drawer. Em is face down in the Pillow of Screams, her muffled wails the only sound aside from the faint hissing of their oxygen masks.*

*Em sits up and carefully puts away the Pillow.*

Greetings and salutations, Wardens and lunatics. We’re still dealing with The Unmysterious Non-case Of The Sue Named Raina, and today we’re… Y’know what? No. I’ve had a really stressful couple of real-life weeks and I absolutely do not have the patience for this fic right now. *Em slams the laptop shut, carries it to the filing cabinet, and tosses it inside before slamming the drawer shut.*

*The panels blocking the window and door instantly retract.*

Holy Hand Grande, why is the sun so bright?! Well, since we no longer need the Sue-pression system, I guess we can take these off. *Em removes her oxygen mask and it retracts into the ceiling.*

Harri: Thank goodness.

*Harri and Conan follow suit.*

Harri: It’s so nice to not smell plastic with every breath.

*Em returns to her desk.* Minions! *A second laptop appears in front of her, covered with stickers of various holiday symbols.*

Harri: Oh no. Not another “festive” fic.

Shut up. I need a break.

*Harri sulks in her chair*