Greetings and salutations, Wardens and lunatics. Yes, I know that technically yesterday was April Fools Day but, due to Timezone ShenanigansTM, it’s also technically still April Fools Day for me at the time this posts. So, why not have a little fun with it?
*Em pulls a laptop out of the drawer that is covered with various holiday themed stickers.*
I scoured the internet for minutes upon minutes to find the very best oneshots to place before you, esteemed reader.
Then I got bored and decided to do these instead. Still, it should be fun, right?
*A cooler of emotional support beverages has suddenly always been next to Em’s desk.*
Heh, I’m sure the minions are just joking around. Good one, guys! *Em chuckles in a way that absolutely is not nervous.* Such pranksters.
Merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah, or whatever greeting best fits you! Today, we’ll be going back to Ghostbusters, to riff this fic, that’s basically the living embodiment of the TV Tropes term Glurge, that is something that’s meant to be inspirational but ends up just sounding plain wrong. Without further ado… GB: A Christmas Spirit!
Welcome to the madhouse, wardens and lunatics! I’m your guest host, BatJamags. If you don’t know me, I was on the Asylum’s predecessor site, Library of the Damned, for, what, five-ish years before it went inactive? Anyway, I missed riffing.
For now, I want to do something short and simple rather than any kind of extended project. There are a few reasons. First, while I’m going to try to stay around as an active commenter, I think it’s a bit early to commit to writing riffs regularly again. I might, I just don’t know if I’ll have the time. Second, I figure a new site should mean a fresh start. Third, I wanted to come back on a fic for my usual favorite fandom, Batman. But it’s… kind of hard to find Batfics that make good riffing material, especially when you categorically refuse to read anything that features Damian Wayne like I do. The section is 60% Damian content, 30% other interchangeably boring fluff about the Robins, 9% gigantic marathon fics of varying quality, and 1% utterly incomprehensible shortfics.
Welcome to that last one. I have a veritable rogues gallery of not one, not two, but three separate fics for you today, each more unfathomably bizarre than the last.
Let’s look at our first contender’s summary!
Batman is in a deadly game as he’s supposed to kill commissioner Gordon before batgirl dies. Rated for intense action violence
Well, that’s, uh, not much to go on, other than the dubious sense of capitalization. We’ll see how much, uh, “intense action violence” we get here.
Hello, dear Lunatics, and welcome back to the Asylum! I’m your riffer of the day, Crazy Minh, with me is Aumarr Madisen Longflare, and we’re finally at the last three fucking chapters of this hot mess!!!
Madisen, our final recap if you would?
Last time, there was a murderchess game featuring innacurate world leaders, and Awesome fought the Grinch. Also, some real-life potitician called Putin was there. He sounds like a idiot.
He totally is. Anyway, without further ado, let’s begin!
*Minh’s office sits empty, having been renovated after the damage caused by a textwall crashing through the floor. The desk and surrounding area at the rear of the room has been replaced with a larger marble desk, with the same super-specfic ratio of sides as the last one. The desk, and the chair behind it, are now situated on a platform, and there are now three guest riffer chairs in front of the desk.*
Hello, Lunatics, and welcome back to the Asylum! I’m Crazy Minh, your riffer of the day, and with me yet again is Madisen Longflare, taking a break from slaying Fire Giants to riff some bad fanfiction with me!
Greetings, noble lunatics.
Due to some…unexpected removations…it’s been a few weeks since my last post. In any case, I’m back, and just in time for the Asylum’s hundredth post! Yay!
*confetti rains from the ceiling, and a big banner with “100 posts – let’s party!” written on it folds down from the rafters*
It’s been a fair few months since I set out to revive the style of riffing the Library was known for, and it’s certainly been a fun time so far. Hopefully, this site will continue to grow and thrive, and we can all expect loads of fun and snark into the near and far future. Our small community has begun to sprout like a sapling, and hopefully we’ll see some new people, some old friends, and maybe even the odd Librarian cross our threshhold in the time ahead. It’s been a pleasure so far, and I hope to continue riffing for a fair while yet.
*Minh walks into her office, drinking a bottle of Ginger beer, and chatting with Madisen, who is walking beside her*
Seriously, don’t ask what my plans for your character are. It’ll spoil things before the campaign gets-Oh! Hello, lunatics! Welcome back to the Asylum, I guess?
That was incredibly awkward.
Yeah, well, I missed a week because I was down with a nasty cough. I’m better now, though, so I guess that’s alright. Anyway, as said already, greetings! I’m your warden of the day, Crazy Minh, and with me once again is Aumarr Madisen Longflare of Waterdeep!
Salutations, lunatics.
Anyway, last time on this monster of a trollfic, things officially jumped the shark and went over the moon when Awesome- in the middle of a battle against infamous communist dictator Mao Zendong- flew to Alaska to enlist the aid of Liberty Prime, the giant robot from Fallout 3, then fought Jaegers from Pacific Rim back in China after spending over two months walking back directly from Alaska, and then Lenin and Stalin turned into Super Saiyan Pillar Men, and Awesome won. Because of fucking course he did. Finally, Lelouch is still Communist (I think?) and ran into Rasputin in the snow, who is now a geass giver for some unknown reason. Next Chapter!
*Minh walks into the room carrying a six-pack of Bundaburg Ginger Beer, and wearing her trademark labcoat. She sits down at her desk, pulls out one of the glass bottles of delicious fizzy drink, and pops open the cap*
Ooh boy, this chapter is a doozy. Anyway, hello, Lunatics, and welcome back to the Asylum! I’m your warden of the day, Crazy Minh, and today we’re back to more trollfic goodness. I have been reliably informed- and have since confirmed for myself- that the chapters we’re covering today are where the insanity goes up to eleven. Thus, I have need of more ginger beer than is traditionally necessary. This six-pack should do. I hope.
*swig*
Anyway, last time, Stusome went to China after Brittania invaded Japan (again), met with infamous Communist dictator Mao Zendong, and went on a ill-advised rescue mission to (badly) play chess for the life of the canonical Empress of China. There was a brief fight, and then Stusome was confronted by Mao, who is clearly evil and about to betray Stusome.
*Minh walks into her office in her usual labcoat, having doffed the clown suit.Wade is nowhere to be seen. She sits down behind her desk, and opens a bottle of ginger beer*
Hello, dear Lunatics, and welcome back to the Asylum! I’m your warden of the day, Crazy Minh, and not with me today is Colonel Wade! He’s off doing training excercises with ASSET, so instead, I’m co-riffing with somebody different!
*There is a poof of smoke, and a woman clad in plate armour and armed with a greatsword made from a shimmering blue crystal pops into existance in the chair next to Minh*
You dragged me away from giant-slaying for this?
Madisen, introductions?
Oh, right. Sure. Just ignore me. Anyway, greetings. I’m Aumarr Madisen Longflare of the Waterdavian City Guard, and proud member of the adventuring group known as the Downsizers. Pleasure to meet you all.
Madisen is my current character in my D&D group’s run of Storm King’s Thunder. She’s a paladin of Helm, and a decorated military veteran of the War of the Silver Marches. She’s also extremely hotheaded…
Hey! I am not!
…and easily takes offence, apparently.
Do you want me to smite your ass?
Unfortunately, we don’t have time for that now, because we’re getting right back into the badfic of the day! As a quick recap, last time, Stusome somehow survived a lethal dosage of alcohol because Stu, apparently Pirate Geass counters Ninja Geass, and Zaber has three eyes now. I’m just waiting for the inevitable point where Zaber has more eyes than a Batarian, and Awesome is somehow still able to beat him.
Do not bait the fic, ma’am. It may be dumber than a hill giant, but I never underestimate monsters and their ability to do exactly what you think they’ll never do.
Hello, Lunatics, and welcome back to more trollfic fun! I’m Crazy Minh, he’s the newly promoted Colonel Wade, and hopefully this fic won’t kill me as much as the last multi-chapter one did. Wade, the recap?
Last time, Lelouch was upstaged by a raging stu (again), there was a big epic fight, and that asshole called Zaber wants more eyeballs.
*Minh and Wade sit in Minh’s office, which has now been thoroughly disinfected, de-clothed, and spritzed with air freshener to remove the last traces of the fedora infestation.*
Hello, lunatics! I’m your warden of the day, Crazy Minh, and with me is Lt. Colonel Wade!
Greetings.
Today, we jump back into the insane trollfic that is ‘Code Geass: Awesome of the Rebellion‘, the fic where Lelouch is upstaged by a Gary Stu named Awesome!
Or, as it stands, Stusome McStupid.
Anyway, last chapter, Awesome was having sex with Lelouch’s pseudo-love interest- Shirley- when he was suddenly summoned to fight his arch-nemesis, Zaber; a Yakuza-looking motherfucker who apparently turned Charles Vi Britannia, the emperor of Britannia, into a zombie before the events of the story.
How many chapters of this do we have to do?
Seventeen.
Christ on a Pike.
Fortunately, it seems each chapter is only around 1000 words, albiet spaced out terribly in such a way that each chapter takes up about three pages worth of text (or at least it looks that way after I downloaded the fic off FF.net and pasted the raw text into Google Docs)
Anyway, let’s begin with Chapter 3, titled “BIG EPIC FIGHT!”.
The Asylum Riffs 