0316: Godzilla vs Bagan: Earth’s Savior – Part 1

Title: Godzilla vs. Bagan: Earth’s Savior

Author: Bio-Major Agent85

Topic: Godzilla

Media: Film

Genre: Adventure

URL: Godzilla vs. Bagan: Earth’s Savior 

Critiqued by: Em Kay, David the Czech Exchange Student

Greetings and salutations, Wardens and lunatics.  I’m Em Kay and with me today I have David, an exchange student visiting from the Czech Republic. Those familiar with my Library work may remember him, but for those unfamiliar, David speaks several languages fluently and is with me to work on his English spelling. Say hello, David.

David: Halo.

Wonderful.

Now, since I recently got pissed off at saw the Godzilla x Kong movie, I had the urge to riff some fics from my favorite franchise. 

Minions!

*A large bin of fics has suddenly always been on Em’s desk. Em eagerly starts sorting through it.*

Let’s see… She-Ra and the Monster Kid of Etheria? Nah. Not in the mood for a crossover.

*shuffle, shuffle*

Hmm, My Monster Family? Nuh uh. If there’s one thing that movie had way too much of, it was freaking “family.”

*shuffle, shuffle*

Here we go. Godzilla vs. Bagan: Earth’s Savior. That sounds like some of the kaiju on kaiju action I’m looking for.

…

That sounded better in my head.

David: Defiantly.

0295: Back ot the Frollo – Epilogue and Author’s note

Title: Back to the Frollo

Author: Crazedwriter/Frollo Freak

Medium: Film

Topic: The Hunchback of Notre Dame (Disney)

Genre: N/A

URL: epilogue, author’s note

Critiqued by: Yuki, the poet; Linstar; Delta XIII; Em Kay; Mister Shoebox

Yuki: In which the fic closes by referring to itself as an “epic”, giving out way too much personal information, and topping it off with other stupidity.

Ls: Ugh.

Em: As if there wasn’t enough personal information in it already.

EPILOGUE

It had been a productive day at the Palace of Justice. 

Ls: Thanks, I hate it.

Em: At least that should mean DaniSue isn’t in the area.

Shoe: Yeah, those poor bastards have suffered enough.

Using his trademark methods to make people talk, 

Ls: Torture™!

0294: legolas by laura (oneshot)

Title: legolas by laura

Author: laura

Media: Film? I think?

Topic: Lord of the Rings

Genre: Adventure/Fantasy (I think)

URL: https://web.archive.org/web/20120615115007/http://www.freewebs.com/me_gaya/legolas.html

Critiqued by Linstar.

Hi, hello, and greetings. Today, the fic being covered is legolas by laura, one of the most well-known badfics ever. It’s pretty hilarious on its own, and most of my commentary will just be links pointing out funny malapropisms. I know Yuki has riffed it before on Das Sporking, go check that out. Also, it mentions sexual assault, albeit in the least graphic way possible.

With that, let’s begin!

0291: Will you stay by my side – Part 2

Title: Will you stay by my side

Author: iloveccsfan 

Topic: Quest For Camelot

Media:Film

Genre: Romance, Adventure

URL: Will you stay by my side 

Critiqued by: Em Kay

*Em enters the office pulling a large prize wheel on a dolly.*

Greetings and salutations, Wardens and lunatics. Today we’re kicking off the new posting schedule, which definitely wasn’t the result of a massive, reality warping vortex eating the previous one, with the second half of this Quest for Camelot… thing.

*Em sets the Wheel o’Characters up to one side of her desk.*

If you’ll recall, last time the author decided to sidestep the canon event of Kayley being captured by Ruber near the end of the movie and instead had her blind love interest, Garrett, drive them to the castle of Camelot. Once there, they yelled at some guards and Kayley glared at some children. Maybe. The narrator was incredibly unreliable.

Anyway, Kayley and Garrett eventually were led to a random room to see Arthur and Merlin, which is where we’re picking back up.

0290: Back to the Frollo – Chapters 19 & 20

Title: Back to the Frollo

Author: Crazedwriter/Frollo Freak

Medium: Film

Topic: The Hunchback of Notre Dame (Disney)

Genre: N/A

URL: chapter 19, chapter 20

Critiqued by: Yuki, the poet; Linstar; Delta XIII; Em Kay, Mister Shoebox

Yuki: Hoo boy, these chapters are even more infuriating than all the previous ones combined. Warning for victim-blaming and rape apologia. Bring out all those smashing objects I told you guys to prepare last time, you’re gonna need them.

Ls, holding several potted plants: Hoo boy, we’ve hit the worst part of the fic, I see.

Delta, setting up several training dummies:

CHAPTER 19

“Darling, please try to eat something”, Claude Frollo gently persuaded

Ls: Preferably something poisonous.

Yuki: Frollo acting this OOC was cringeworthy the first time and still is now.

0287: April Fools’ Day Oneshot-palooza

Title: April Fools Day – Harry Potter

Author: Lizzee 

Topic: Harry Potter

Media: Literature, Film

Genre: Humor

URL: April Fools Day – Harry Potter

Critiqued by: Em Kay

Greetings and salutations, Wardens and lunatics. Yes, I know that technically yesterday was April Fools Day but, due to Timezone Shenanigans^TM, it’s also technically still April Fools Day for me at the time this posts. So, why not have a little fun with it?

*Em pulls a laptop out of the drawer that is covered with various holiday themed stickers.*

I scoured the internet for minutes upon minutes to find the very best oneshots to place before you, esteemed reader.

Then I got bored and decided to do these instead. Still, it should be fun, right?

*A cooler of emotional support beverages has suddenly always been next to Em’s desk.*

Heh, I’m sure the minions are just joking around. Good one, guys! *Em chuckles in a way that absolutely is not nervous.* Such pranksters.

0286: Back to the Frollo – Chapters 17-18

Title: Back to the Frollo

Author: Crazedwriter/Frollo Freak

Medium: Film

Topic: The Hunchback of Notre Dame (Disney)

Genre: N/A

URL: chapter 17, chapter 18

Critiqued by: Yuki, the poet; Linstar; Delta XIII, MisterShoebox, Em Kay

Yuki: Finally we have some semblance of plot progression, but not before more obnoxious displays of American culture. Warning for gore, torture and anti-Romani sentiment.

Ls: Can we go back to the family history regurgitation?

Shoe: Anything with Gore in it can’t be that bad. Now BUSH… that’s a warning. (This joke was brought to you by a man who was alive during the 2000 US Presidential election.)

Ls: Counterpoint: I have watched An Inconvenient Truth. It’s… far better than this dreck, and its family history sections are much less awful.

Yuki: With this fic, it’s either boring OC background, annoying cultural posturing, disturbing romance, or eye-gouging bigotry. Take your pick.

Em: Is none of the above an option?

Ls: I think “boring” is the least awful of those adjectives, so I’ll go with that.

Chapter 17

“Jehan”, I began, as I petted Snowball’s nose, “what happened?” 

Ls: Badfic happened.

0283: The Wandering Blue Wizard – chapter 2

Title: “The Wandering Blue Wizard”
Author: WanderingBlueWizard (also “Angelina Aintithenniel”)
Media: Film
Canon: The Lord of the Rings
Genre: adventure, romance
URL: https://www.quotev.com/story/4341687/The-Wandering-Blue-Wizard/2
Critiqued by bookish1wyrm

Welcome back, fellow readers! Been way too long since I posted anything here. (Very very belated thank you to everyone who commented on chapter one!) Last time, we basically read this lady’s character sheet and I pointed out some of the more baffling elements therein. Now we get to see how Angie’s character actually works in a story! …by starting with an outfit link that doesn’t actually exist and a conversation between two completely different characters. Sure, okay.

Outfit

“Where is she?”

Elrond asked Gandalf. Elrond had to pros pone the council for another hour to wait for her, and he was becoming both worried and a little impatient. 

That’s not a typo on my part, by the way, the dialogue tags actually are on a separate line from the dialogue itself. Also I hope chicky has a good reason for being late to this thing.

(In canon I’m not entirely certain Elrond would even know the Blue Wizards exist, considering they mostly operated in the eastern lands.)

“She has been delayed, it is not like her to be late. Do not fret, she will come.”

Gandalf explained. He too was worried, he knew who had delayed his daughter. For the same person had delayed him when he was going to meet the hobbits at the Prancing Pony. He knew Angelina would never accept an offer to join Sauron, but was frightened to what Sauroman would do to her.

I guess meeting your other wizard dad is a good reason. Also, no disrespect, Gandalf, but your (ugh) daughter has a bow of infinite reloading and several pointy objects. I think Saruman’s the one who should be worried.

0282: The X Chronicles: How To Steal Your Canon – Chapters 39-42

Title: The X Chronicles Book One: Visitors 

Author: ghidorah5464 

Media: Film, TV Show

Topic: Godzilla: Final Wars, V (2009)

Genre: Sci-fi, Humor

URL: Chapter 39, Chapter 40, Chapter 41, Chapter 42

Critiqued by: Em Kay; Linstar

Em: Greetings and salutations, Wardens, lunatics, and assorted snarkers. Today we’re dealing the coup de grace to this fic. I’m excited for it to be over, but the other riffers need a little… convincing. Thankfully, that’s what orderlies and straitjackets are for.

Ls: *sniffs* At least I get a silver one. Shoe’s straitjacket is merely bronze. I know, imagine!

Em: Last time, the Visitors made omelets out of X’s egg-babies, Ozaki pointed out expository material while in a “mini-coma,” and X crashed a Visitors press conference cosplaying as the edgiest Predator to ever edge, Mr. Black. Anna and Co. didn’t want anything to do with that crap, so they fucked off back to the mothership with X in pursuit aboard Grover’s Uber dragon-bird. Oh yeah, and it’s raining Visitor Pregnancy Juice.

0281: Back to the Frollo – Chapters 15 & 16

Title: Back to the Frollo

Author: Crazedwriter/Frollo Freak

Medium: Film

Topic: The Hunchback of Notre Dame (Disney)

Genre: N/A

URL: chapter 15, chapter 16

Critiqued by: Yuki, the poet; Linstar; MisterShoebox; Delta XIII; Em Kay

Ls: Hello, everyone. If my math is right, based on the chapter number, we only have two or three riffs left.

Shoe *Is here and VERY unhappy.* Let’s just get this over with.

Yuki: For now, the fic is once again brain-meltingly boring, but just wait until you reach the end of the fic. Prepare lots of things to smash just in case.

CHAPTER 15

I tried not to shiver from the cool, damp morning air; 

*Ls shivers from the chilling trivialization.*

nonetheless, I snuggled closer to Claude in effort to stay warm. 

Ls: God of Tarzan Grammar not impressed.