0348: My Inner Life – Chapters 17 and 18

Title: My Inner Life
Author: Link’s Queen
Media: Video game
Topic: The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Genre: Nonsense
Critiqued by: BatJamags; MisterShoebox; Linstar; Yuki, la poétesse de neige; Delta XIII

Bats: Hello, wardens and lunatics! 

Ls: Another week, another dose of the toxin that is My Inner Life.

Delta:

Shoe: Yaaaaaaaaay I am going to get even with you, Bats. I have no idea how yet. It’s going to involve a sack full of rabid weasels but mark my words, revenge will be mine.

Bats: Since this fic’s deciding to have a plot this late in the game is so random, our first chapter can only be…

The Encounter

Bats: Roll for initiative!

*Ls’ Role the Dice flashbacks intensify.*

Ls: Stay away, Drugo! No peeking!

Delta: *dice rolling noises* …how the hell does a D20 land on its corner?!

Bats: Very carefully.

Grabbling my bow and my (9)Phoenix circles

Bats: Oh, boy, let’s take a look at the doubtless perfectly well thought-through explanation for whatever those are!

Ls: Must we?

0346: Role the Dice: Asteriskos Sapphirus – “Session” 5, Part 2

Title: Role the Dice: Asteriskos Sapphirus
Author: Travezty
Media: Tabletop RPG
Topic: Dungeons & Dragons
Genre: Adventure / Romance
URL: Chapter 6
Critiqued by BatJamags, Kane, and Silabar the Librarian

Hello once again, wardens and lunatics. Last time, the author’s self-insert raped the insert of his girlfriend. Fuck this fic.

The Next Day…

After everyone has had their long rest,

Oh, god, can you not hurl us right back into the game mechanics after… whatever the hell it was you just did.

though some of it was disturbed thanks to the two love birds,

the group continues on their way along the trail, but, strangely enough, after Eryn and Nevermore check the maps they got, it turns out that one of the ruins that is mentioned on the Dragon’s Map is that there is a ruin not far ahead of them, and, after some calculations, reveals the route between the fork which passes by the ruin and to their destination, is only altered by a few hours, and there is a city just north east of it, so they can sell any of the stuff that they got from previous adventures.

*One moment please. Your riffer has suffocated from trying to read that run-on sentence.*

0343: My Inner Life – Chapter 16

Title: My Inner Life
Author: Link’s Queen
Media: Video game
Topic: The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Genre: Nonsense
Critiqued by: BatJamags; Delta XIII; Linstar; MisterShoebox; Ben the Destroyer; Yuki, la poetèsse de neige 

EDITING NOTE: This was meant to go up a little over twenty-four hours ago, but I somehow scheduled it for the complete wrong day and time? Uh, anyway, it exists now.

Bats: Hello, wardens and lunatics! This is going to be a short one, since the previous and next chunks work out better this way. I’m sure you’re all disappointed.

Delta:

Ls: This sounds… promising?

Shoe: At least it’s short. Yaaaaay.

Benji: I don’t have an excuse when I fall asleep again. 

*Alarms blare early*

Bats: I- what? What happened?! We haven’t even started the fi-

*The DRD arrives early, before they normally would, preemptively breaking into the riffing chamber before they have cause to and capturing a worm, which they take.*

Bats: I, um, that was… certainly something that just happened.

Ls: I’m not sure why, though.

Bats: Uh, anyway, let’s move on…

Down the Road

Bats: … shall we?

0341: Role the Dice: Asteriskos Sapphirus – “Session” 5, Part 1

Title: Role the Dice: Asteriskos Sapphirus
Author: Travezty
Media: Tabletop RPG
Topic: Dungeons & Dragons
Genre: Adventure / Romance
URL: Chapter 6
Critiqued by BatJamags, Kane, and Silabar the Librarian

WARNING: TRAVEZTY WRITES A SEX SCENE WHERE, DESPITE SOME EXCUSE-MONGERING, ONE PARTY IS CLEARLY NOT ABLE TO GIVE INFORMED CONSENT. I’VE CUT MOST OF THE SCENE ITSELF, BUT MOST OF THIS PART IS GOING TO BE RELATED TO IT.

Hello once again, wardens and lunatics! We’re back with yet more of whatever this is.

Um, okay, recap, recap, something must’ve happened last chapter, right…? … No… not really. I mean, they wandered around a church for an eternity or two, bumbling into an absolute laundry list of loot, then they just so happened to shelter in a cave with a dragon in it, which they killed for even more loot.

Argh. Hopefully we won’t have to deal with any marathons like tha-

A/N:WHAT’S UP MUCKACHUNGAS!? It’s Travez here, and I’m here to bring you my longest session yet!

*Bats sighs and turns to see a warning sign bolted to the wall which says “NO HOPING IN THE ASYLUM” in big red bold type*

0339: My Inner Life – Chapters 13-15

Title: My Inner Life
Author: Link’s Queen
Media: Video game
Topic: The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Genre: Nonsense
Critiqued by: BatJamags; Linstar; MisterShoebox; Delta XIII; Ben the Destroyer; Em Kay; Yuki, la poetèsse de neige

Bats: Hello, wardens and lunatics!

Ls: Hell. O.

Bats: Unnecessary O; recommend deleting. … Wait, this isn’t the Google Docs comments, is it?

Ls: No, but it is Hell.

Bats: That would explain all the paints; should’ve brought a smock.

Ls: Hell is Satan’s art studio. 

Ls: …I’m sure someone else has said that before. 

Shoe: Hi, Bats! I just want you to know that I’m happy to be here and I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW.

Bats: That’s what I’m here for.

Delta: I’ve returned, and I’m going to make it everyone else’s problem.

Ls: Great.

Benji: I somehow dropped off to sleep in the last riff. Did I miss anything? 

Ls: Not anything of worth, to be sure.

Bats: If we’re all together, I think it’s time for…

The Separation

Yuki: Yay.

Bats: Bye, everybody.

Delta: Parting is such sweet sorrow…

*Ls begins to weep at the emotional departure.*

0334: My Inner Life – Chapters 6-12

Title: My Inner Life
Author: Link’s Queen
Media: Video game
Topic: The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Genre: Nonsense
Critiqued by: BatJamags; Linstar; Yuki, la poetesse de neige; Delta XIII; MisterShoebox; Ben the Destroyer

WARNING: This is the one where they drink each other’s pee. … Yeah.

*Ls bangs loudly on the door of the riffing room.*

Ls: LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT!

*Delta slumps in his chair, rapidly downing bottles of Vodka Mudshakes*

Delta: There’s no point. We are, unfortunately, in this for the long haul.

Bats: Hello, wardens and lunatics!

Shoe: *Cheerfully*. Fuuuuuck you! :D!

Yuki: Why are we still here just to suffer?

Bats: Because I’ve read this fic multiple times and I don’t want to suffer alone!

Benji: When do I admit to once drinking my own urine?

Ls: Never?

0051: To Queens and They Bad Grammar (Oneshot)

Title: To Queens and They B*st*rds

Author: ladysapphinope

Media: Literature

Topic: Grishaverse

Genre: I Don’t Even Know (No, seriously. That’s one of the tags.)

URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4015131

Greetings! I am Linstar, and I am back with a Grishaverse fic!

So, exposition: the Grishaverse is a book series and fictional universe named after practitioners of magic, or “Grisha”. The first three books form a trilogy starting with Shadow and Bone. Essentially, this book is about Alina, a Grisha in the Russia-inspired country of Ravka, who has magic sun powers. A… bunch of stuff happens, there’s this Darkling guy who she kills, and eventually this guy named Nikolai, who was the son of the previous ruling queen and some visiting businessman (and thus illegitimate), becomes king of Ravka. Then there’s another two books, mainly about a guy named Kaz Brekker, who breaks into this big vault in the Finland-inspired Fjerda. These books are also irrelevant to the fanfic at hand. Then there’s another duology focusing on Nikolai and his icy-tempered Grisha general Zoya. Basically, the Darkling gets resurrected, impaled on a thorn, and Nikolai hands Zoya the kingship. There’s another major subplot, a whole lot I’m leaving out, and an adaptation that I haven’t seen, but this should be enough to understand why this fic is bad. This fic is supposed to be of the last two books.