0312: Harry, Hermoine, and Ron’s fifth year at Hogwarts!

Title: Harry, Hermoine, and Ron’s fifth year at Hogwarts!

Author: HermoineAndraiaWeasley

Topic: Harry Potter

Media: Literature

Genre: None given

URL: Harry, Hermoine, and Ron’s fifth year at Hogwarts!

Critiqued by: Em Kay

Greetings and salutations, Wardens and lunatics. I’m Em Kay and this is not Rose in Spira. To celebrate that fact, we’re going to riff some pure, unadulterated nonsense. That’s right, it’s yet another HermioneAndraiaWeasley fic.

*Em blows a party horn*

Let’s get right to the summary, shall we?

Please Read I and not a very good story teller but if you read it and give it reviwes I’ll make the next one!

All the insanity we’ve come to expect from this author.

I’ll just open up the fic itself and we can get- 

Harry and his friends fifth year

at Hogwarts!!!!

*Em is blasted out of her chair and inexplicably tossed to the right by the gigantic font size and odd formatting of the fic.*

HOLY HAND GRENADE OF ANTIOCH!

*Em slowly climbs back into her chair.*

So, WordPress spares the readers the worst of the formatting… peculiarities, but just take my word for it that it’s bad.

Harry had just woke up from a dream he had about Hermoine and then a loud scream. 

These things are apparently unrelated, however.

He sat up as fast as he could clutching his chest. His scar was hurting him and he was worried about Ron and Hermoine and all his friends at Hogwarts. Set shaking from the dream, he looked over at his alarm clock.

I didn’t even know that was a setting on an alarm clock.

“Four o’clock in the morning! Man what a time to get up.”

Ugh, right? Far enough from my five-thirty alarm to not be worth just getting up, but still close enough that by the time I finally get back to sleep it won’t be worth it.

Harry pulled his covers off his bed and got up. He stretched, looked the mirror and flex his muscles.

Since when does twig-boy Harry have any muscles to speak of?

“Looking good! Bet all the girls well be looking at you now.”

Yeah, and assuming you used some kind of spell to make yourself swol all of a sudden. You’re not fooling anybody, bud.

Harry put on some muggle clothes a pair of blue jeans with a with tank top. 

Like, all together? How do you even get into that? Oh wait, it velcros in the back like doll clothes, doesn’t it.

He was just about it go out of his room when a big black owl ran into him in the back of his head.

And this somehow gave the narrator a concussion, apparently.

“Ouch! Hey…wait a min.. you look familiar.”

It’s not Cho the Owl again, is it?

He picked up the owl and took the letter from it. Harry opened it up and read.

Dear Harry,

Come on, does it really need to be in comic sans?

Hope your doing all right, and everything is ok. You had to check up on you.. 

You heard it here first, Harry; check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Well I got a letter from Ron and Hermoine they sent me pictures.

That was nice of them… maybe? Who are you?

Looks like Ron is going to have to fight off the girls and the fight off the guys for Hermoine. 

Did you all use the Happily Ever After potion? Why are you all suddenly hawt?

Well I wrote you to let you know that my name has been cleared. 

Just great, now we’ll never know who this is!

I well be getting some place to live within the next week and I’ll be picking you up from Hogwarts Express on the last day of School. Well have to go. I well be writing you! Please do be good and behave! Prongs Jr.

Who the hell is Prongs Jr.? Why did Ron and Hermione send him pictures of themselves? Why is he writing to Harry? 

Sirus.

Cirrus?

Surely you mean Sirius.

My apologies, Leslie.

Harry closed the letter with a smile and thought to him self Prongs Jr. I like the sound of that. 

But why is Cirrus Sirius calling himself that?

His father’s name at Howgarts was Prongs. 

Ah, so Harry had another father who went to Howgarts, and that dad had another kid called Prongs Jr. Of course.

He hurry and got a another piece of parchment and started to write back.

Dear Sirus,

Why are all these in big comic sans?!

Thanks for the letter. I hope everything is according to plan. 

You’re positive you don’t mean acroding to plain?

So… Hermoine looks good wow. Well I am waiting for them to write back. So I’ll see you later. Thanks Sirus.

Harry

I’m so glad we got to be privy to this pointlessness.

Harry sent the letter with the owl and the owl took flight. He walked over to the window and let him go. 

Is the owl delivering Harry?

Harry watched as it flew away. Just when he was wondering were Hermoine and Ron’s letters were two owls came swooping in the window. They fought over who would give there letter first. 

Unfortunately for them, yonder letter won out.

Ron’s owl won. Harry took the Letter off of Pig ( the owl Sirus gave Ron for the rat he lost).

So he’s just -ig now? Give him back his Letter!

Crap, another letter. Let’s see what kind of formatting insanity they’re going to inflict on us this time.

Harry

Oh. None at all. That’s… refreshing.

You coming over this week right? 

Wait, is Harry not at Hogwarts? As far as I know he can’t just leave during the school year. I thought Cirrus Sirius was going to pick him up once school was done? Oh, he must be at Howgarts. They must have a different attendance policy.

Well Bill and Charlie are coming over for the week to and Percy to. 

Boy, they’re definitely going to get a lot of done, not to mention with Bill, Charlie, and Percy coming over to.

O and so is Hermoine1 

Hermiones 2 through 7 can’t make it, though.

I can’t wait to see her. Ginny as like gone on a growing sprit or something she has grown up. 

Well that’s all fine and dandy but has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

We are going to have to fight off the boys. well have to go .So Well get you tomorrow around noon. Bye now

Ron

Okay then, thanks for the phone call, er, I mean letter, Ron. Super helpful.

Harry was so happy to hear from Ron and to leave soon. 

Yeah, the void gets really boring after a while.

He hurried and packed his bags and got all ready to go. Harry almost forgot about Hermoine’s Owl. He just remembered it when it hooted cause he hit it with a shoe. 

He hurried over there and grabbed the letter.

Dear Harry,

Geez, this one’s in italics.

Hey sorry for not replying soon. 

Hermione: I had no idea you’d ignore my phone call owl and make this reply to absolutely nothing late.

I have been busy really. But I am at the Weasley’s House hope to see you there.

How slow is Ron’s owl that after he sent it Hermione had enough time to get to his house, write a letter, send her own owl, and the two owls got to Harry at the same time?

Hermoine!

She’s just really excited to be herself, I guess.

Wait, her entire letter was “I’m at Ron’s now”? What was the point of this?!

Harry smiled, thinking of Hermoine. But he had his eyes on another girl. 

Ew, get them off!

Ginny Weasley. When he saved her from the snake there was something just right, about hold her in his arms. Harry was about to tuck the letter away when a little letter fell out. 

Oh, come on! How many phone calls letters are we going to have to sit through?

He picked it up and read it.

Harry,

And of course this one is in italics, too.

Hey it’s me Ginny. 

Finally, someone has the common decency to introduce themselves!

Well i knew that Hermoine was sending a letter to you so I put this one i hear really fast. 

I’m… happy for you? But I don’t see how your auditory processing speed is relevant.

I can’t wait to see you. Hope you get here soon. O… Bill is going to pick you up by broom. See you soon.

Ginny Weasley.

So, now Cirrus Sirius and Bill are picking up Harry from the void? Man, it’s going to get crowded in here… maybe.

Harry smiled, a big smile. He went down stairs , 

Just some random ones he had laying around for fun.

it was right about seven o’clock am now 

It took him three hours to read four letters and flex in a mirror?

so he decided to go and go down to breakfast. Dudley was there with his Aunt and his Uncle.

Boy, Howgarts will let anybody in.

“uhm. Uncle Veron. I am leaving today. Around noon.”

Veron just gave a grunt

“OK well see you then.”

Or not, because you’re leaving.

“Whatever boy, how are they going to pick you up?”

“By broom. I told my godfather that I am leaving to.”

Is there anyone in this fic who doesn’t ?

“ok then you can go.”

“O and I got good news for you to.”

Even Uncle Vernon is getting in on it!

“What?” Veron said getting mad as if the sound of Harry’s voice was the most annoying thing in the world.

I mean…

“I am not coming back. Sirus has got a place of his own and I am going to live with him.”

In the sky. Because he’s a cloud now.

The Durlesy looked as though nothing in the world could have made them more happier. 

The Durlesy is pleased. All hail the Durlesy.

Dudley offered him to help pack up. Aunt Petunia made him some sweets and things, Uncle Veron gave him Muggle money to buy a car or something to help him get his stuff out of the house faster. 

Holy crap, he gave him money to buy a car?! Can he spare some for me?

Noon came around and Bill appeared at the door.

“Harry?” he said nervously

“Hey i’m up here.” a voice came from up stairs.

Oh great. Sentient, directional stairs that talk. What more could you ask for in a fic?

Bill ran up the stairs and stopped abruptly.

“uhm . ..bill do you know how to make everything fit into a small place?”

“Yea, why?”

“Cause I am not coming back here. I am living with Sirus.”

In the cloud kingdom. He’s been over this with the others already.

“O, yea stand back. gnihtyreve rellams ( backwards means everything smaller)”

So the spell is gibberish followed by whispering “backwards means everything smaller”? Why not just skip the gibberish part?

Everything went into one corner of the bag.

“Thanks!” Harry said in Happiness.

“Good grief,” Em said in Annoyance.

“ok lets head out then.”

Harry left the house and much to his beliefs the Durlsey’s were all smiling and waving at him.

Did he just believe the Dursley’s into being decent people?

A/N ok ok i hate cliffs hanger’s 

Cliff has the worst hangers. Those wire ones with the little cardboard tube around the bottom? Ugh, I hate them.

but i have to see if anyone likes it. 

Survey says… 

Eighteen reviews and the only one not outright positive says it’s “kind of weird.” Although there is one that points out some “grammical errors”, so make of that what you will.

Disclamer:None of these people belong to me. I wish they did!

No no, deary. Slavery is wrong.

Anyway, that’s it for this week, folks. We’ll get into a longer fic next time so until then, stay loony!