0313: Role the Dice: Asteriskos Sapphirus – “Session” 3, Part 3

Title: Role the Dice: Asteriskos Sapphirus
Author: Travezty
Media: Tabletop RPG
Topic: Dungeons & Dragons
Genre: Adventure / Romance
URL: Chapter 4
Critiqued by BatJamags, Kane, and Silabar the Librarian

Hello once again, wardens and lunatics! Last time… ugh. I don’t want to talk about last time. Let’s just… go.

One Day Later…

The group arrives at the village known as Summer Lake,

Hopefully not soon to be known as Bucharest or something.

and thankfully, as they enter, Longclaw looks out the window as Drugo comes to a stop. “Here we are!” Drugo says, via Fiona’s Psychic Whispers.

Not how that works. A soulknife, which is the absurdly conceptually specific subclass of rogue the author dug up for Sly Blooper, can use this ability to establish a telepathic link with up to two people for a few hours. But only the soulknife can initiate the connection, only three people can be linked (at the characters’ level), and all communication goes through the soulknife. So if Sly Blooper triggered this ability recently for some reason, Puff then just talked to her and her alone.

“Everyone out…”

You don’t have to tell me twice.

*Bats attempts to leave. The door is locked as usual.*

They all depart and Mina jumps out of the driver’s seat, whilst Drugo unhitches himself from the carriage. As the six of them get prepared, Eryn looks around, and notices two others come out of the shadows. “Friends of yours, Eryn?”

Kane: And if so, can we refrain from interacting with them?

“Yes, good friends of mine, in fact!” Eryn says, to which everyone notices there is a Kenku in a martial artist’s gi with a hooded cloak, whilst next to him is a Tiefling with impala-like horns on her head with a supple and voluptuous body.

Author, just because she has horns doesn’t mean you have to be horny again.

And recall from two weeks ago that this character is indeed based on a real person like the others, which kills the last scrap of not-insanely-creepy-ness that the author was able to cling to.

Drugo shakes his head before he starts to stare and looks around the Periphery of his vision… Fortunately, he notices that, while there is the stench of beings with Red Dragon Blood in them,

Well, that’s rude.

Silabar: They are kind of… smoky. But yes.

the best he can tell is, at most, there are only three here.

Weren’t there two?

Even so, Durgaul’Nurgahl knows that Two Half-Reds are still going to be a tough pair of nuts to kick, and this third individual smells bigger too, bigger and meaner.

……… No comment.

They park the carriage somewhere out of sight and everyone gears themselves up as they prepare to go to the Inn to rest up, thankfully though, with Eryn doing most of the talking…

Given the talking he’s done so far, I don’t see what’s to be thankful for.

He manages to convince the inn’s owner that Drugo would be best served inside, and Drugo even offers to sleep in the basement if need be. Thankfully, due to the Half-Dragons terrorizing the town, the people have no loyalty to these half-breeds,

Is there a reason they should be loyal to them?

and, in fact, they actually worship a Greatwyrm.

A greatwyrm being a kind of super-dragon made through vague processes. The concept was introduced in the recent-ish sourcebook the author is so enamored with, which among other things retconned the majority of the established draconic pantheon of gods to be greatwyrms, aside from Bahamut, Tiamat, and Sardior, the patrons of the metallic, chromatic, and gem dragons, respectively. Anyway, greatwyrms are at least kind of semi-divine.

What I don’t get is why worshipping a dragon would emphasize the point of not being loyal to a couple half-dragon bandits.

“A Greatwyrm?” Durgaul asks.

And now you are using his new name. Go figure.

“Yes, his name is Klauthiym! He’s a Sapphire Greatwyrm!” The Innkeeper says, to which Durgaul backs away, shocked.

“Drugo, what’s wrong?” Eryn asks, Durgaul’s breathing becoming frantic as he tries to calm down. “Drugo?”

“Klauthiym… He’s my father…!” Drugo says, only for the doors to fly open.

These guys cannot walk five feet without tripping over their own backstories. If this gets any more contrived, I’ll be forced to conclude that the author is in fact a modern professional comic book writer.

“I knew I smelled an intruding dragon around here!” A Red Half-Dragon says, looking at him, “And it is to our surprise that it is one of Klauthiym’s spawn as well!”

None of this fic’s dialogue is good, but that line was a doozy.

I mean, uh, it is to my surprise that the line is clunky as well.

“What should we do with them, brother?” the second Red Half Dragon asks.

“We’ll capture him and see if we can get a ransom off him!” The First says.

Silabar: That is a uniquely bad idea for various reasons.

“You really think I’ll be of any value to my father? He abandoned me after he impregnated my mother, and I was driven out by my own siblings, so you wouldn’t get anything out of my father to save my hide!”

“You’ve sure got a big mouth on you!” The Second Red Half Dragon says, growling.

Well, yeah, dragon mouths are kind of *clamps hands open and shut in a crocodile-mouth-type gesture*

“And it’s not just him you’re facing!” Eryn says, as the group picks up their weapons and gets ready for a fight.

Kane: Perhaps your numbers will outweigh your incompetence.

“Oh you want a fight huh? Let’s take it outside, so that way we don’t have to hold back!” The First Half Dragon says.

Are you going to give us any description of these guys to distinguish beyond “first” and “second?” No? Okay.

Fiona, looking at them, can’t remember all of the lore her master taught her,

She’s pretty dim like that.

but she remembers these words, ‘A Dragon though more powerful in it’s lair, will often refuse to fight in it, for they shall risk destroying their hoards…’

Silabar: … No? First, Dragons do gain some power in their lairs, that much is true, but the idea that they’ll refuse to defend it is rather silly.

Silabar: Second, they are not in anything resembling a proper lair. They are in an inn, and there is no hoard, the purported reason a dragon will not fight in its lair.

Silabar: Third, half-dragons raised by their non-draconic parents wouldn’t reliably mimic a full dragon’s behavior anyway, and you have less than no information about these two.

Fiona thinks as she remembers these words, and swings her arm, throwing a psionic knife at one of the Half-Dragons, hitting him square in the forehead. “Don’t Let them lure you outside!” Fiona shouts, “If they get anywhere with enough space, they’ll loose their breath weapons!” Everyone hears the rogue’s words of wisdom and all begin to move into position around the half-dragons,

That’s not wise! It’s not even right.

“Sir, whatever the damages, we will pay for them later!”

Kane: Not when you get the entire inn burned down with your stupid plan.

“Just get rid of these bastards if you can!” The Innkeeper says, taking cover.

He’s oddly nonchalant about potentially having his livelihood lit on fire.

“You damned rat!” The First Half-Dragon shouts, to Eryn’s eyes turn violet as his hair stands up, glowing with an ethereal flame, and when he swings his arms, he sends out orbs of these flames to wrap around the two Half-Dragon’s.

I have no idea what he just cast.

The second of these two, the much larger one, puts his hands together and focuses his mind, banishing them from his body with a shout, whilst the smaller one becomes wreathed in them.

Description! One of the half-dragons is bigger than the other. I can almost picture them. Author, half-dragon isn’t even a complete set of stats in the Monster Manual. It’s a template you can apply to other monsters, which means the base could be anything from the close-combat mercenary they use for the example statblock to… I don’t know, one of those stupid demon chickens. So I can’t even coast on the official material in place of the description you’re not giving me.

“Is that all, a little Faerie Fire?” The Second Half-Dragon shouts, only to notice a shadow appearing over him and coming down towards him with a long whip-like appendage swinging down towards him.

Your long whip-like appendage sucks, Shadow.

“Whoa!” The Half-Dragon shouts, leaning back to dodge it as Drugo lands before the half-breed. “You little!”

He little?

“Try this!” Longclaw shouts, swinging his talons as he leaves a glowing scar upon the Half-Dragon’s chest, the acid burning through the man’s armor enough to leave it. “Ghost!” The Little Drake leaps out from Longclaw’s shoulder and flips over the Half dragon, biting down on the end of the bastard’s tail.

Silabar: Are you positive that is not meant literally?

Hell if I know at this point.

“YEOW!” The Half-Dragon shouts, lifting his tail as Ghost hangs on. “Get off you little pest!”

But he’s not on little pest!

Kane: He is nowhere near the wyrm, in fact.

He swings his tail, to which Drugo and Longclaw dodge as Ghost let’s go and lands back on his master’s shoulder. Seeing an opportunity, and taking advantage of the Faerie Fire, Damos charges in with his scimitar, but despite his best efforts, the Half-Dragon catches the sword between his scaly hands, and turns, kicking the tiefling away, only to be met with an orb of flame to the face.

There are two tieflings now, author. Stop circumlocuting.

“I hit!” Ember says, smiling, only for the smoke to clear and only a faint dusting of soot being on the dragon’s face. “Uh oh…”

Hey, she finally got back at Durrgaul for that incident at the lake.

“Thanks, my scales were getting a bit itchy…” The Half-Dragon says, “I’ll breed you last!”

… I… think/hope you meant “bleed?”

This elicits an angry snarl from Durgaul, who now wants to kill this bastard,

Learn a new insult.

however that is when a pair of clawed feet kick out at the side of the Second Half-Dragon’s face, causing it to turn slightly from the impact.

“Ha! And here I thought you were a couple of half-dragons, I guess you guys were just half-braggin!”

… No.

Evolyne

Kane: And are we to recognize this name?

I assume this is one of Eryn’s companions, but they were definitely not named.

viciously mocks the larger half-dragon, who snarls at the Tiefling, clenching his fist so tightly that his talons dig past his scales and his nose bleeds.

Kane: “Vicious,” indeed. A weak spell, but the insult you paired it with was so sophomoric it managed to inflict a little pain in spite of itself.

(I’m guessing Evolyne, whoever Evolyne is, is a bard. They have a low-level spell called Vicious Mockery, which is basically a burn so sick it does psychic damage and debuffs the target. It’s the best thing ever… at least when the insult isn’t “just half-braggin’.”)

Kane: My party’s bard is characteristically enamored of it. Intolerable.

‘Okay that barely did anything, but at least, this might prove to be useful.’ Mina, in her position, thinks about something and decides to wait, keeping her eyes trained on the first of these two half-dragons, thinking it might be the last to fall.

So… she didn’t do anything. Thanks for the update…?

That is when the two dragons give each other a look, and they both open their maws, unleashing fire upon Durgaul, Longclaw, and Ghost, in which all three are heavily seared by the dragons, but as they recover and catch their breath, everyone’s eyes turns towards a charred body on the floor, and Longclaw drags his wounded body to the little cat-sized corpse lying on the ground. “Ghost…” Longclaw says, gently picking up the charred body, and howls in sorrow and pain.

Oh no! Ghost is dead! … Wait a minute-

Silabar: Poor thing. Tell me again about how clever Fiona is for keeping the fight indoors where they “won’t” use their breath weapons.

“Heh! A little drake like that shouldn’t be involved in a man’s fight…!” The First Half-Dragon says.

Silabar: No one seems to question the baby running around getting himself eaten by chickens.

“And if you don’t surrender peacefully, that will happen to you too!” The Second Half-Dragon says.

“Oh my gods…” Eryn says.

“They killed Ghoostie!” Ember says,

Pffft.

tears falling from her eyes, and despite the sorrowful looks on everyone’s faces, the Half-Dragons are surprised to see not fear but fury in their supposed victims.

Silabar: It ought to be reasonably obvious that you don’t scare anyone by killing the weakest foe.

“YOU BASTAAAARDS!” Fiona roars,

*Siiiiiiiiigh*

her eyes glowing red as she bares her fangs, brutally slashing at the first half-dragon, landing in a dabbing position.

Yes, that will get me to take this scene seriously. Good job, author.

Silent as the grave, Eryn raises one hand as his magic picks up a tankard, and with a mighty thrust of his arm, bashes in the face of the second Dragonborn with a Catapult Spell.

(That one throws a thing.)

Kane: Why one would bother over a perfectly serviceable Eldritch Blast, I’ll never know…

Feeling his power surge through him and into his throat, Durgaul’s sapphire markings glow a bright blue as the Half-Dragon utilizes his breath weapon twice in a single instance,

Silabar: I- wh- does he have two throats? How?

unleashing a deafening sound that causes both Half-Dragons to scream in pain as their ears bleed and their bones creak heavily from the strain of the magic being forced upon them.

“Magic” in this case being “loud noise.”

That is when a wolf’s howl is heard as a pissed off blur of movement slashes through one of the Half-Dragons and a fanged burst pierces the other, with everyone seeing Longclaw in his true Shifter Form…

(A/N: If you want to see how I view a Shifter in their Shifted State,

I do not.

think more along the line of the Werewolves from “The Wolfman” the 2010 version.

Which… apparently was just a very close adaptation of the (excellent) makeup from the 1941 version, so I’m not sure why you felt the need to specify. Also, we have images of shifters.

It’s not far off from what you’re saying, but I don’t know why we need an outside visual aid.

That is a good example of how I view a Longtooth Shifter, they are werewolves that are more men than beast, and thats how I view shifters once they transform, where as Lycanthropes are more beast than men. Also, for Long Claw’s instance, think of him as turning into an Albino Wolfman)

Again, this isn’t far off, but it’s explicitly part of the concept? I don’t really need your interpretation.

The Second Half-Dragon snarls as he gets ready to counterattack, only to find a Scimitar slash across his face, with a Baator-born Tiefling shedding tears, showing that even a devil may cry when he loses a loved one.

What little pathos this scene might have had is undercut by your stupid references.

Ember, seeing the little drake’s corpse, is filled with so much fury that she forgets the one thing she fears the most, and calls upon it to aid her in this time of crisis, transforming into a Giant Spider, and leaping at the Second of the Half-Dragons, viciously biting deep into it’s flesh and filling him with as much venom as her current form can muster.

So… she transformed into a spider… because she forgot about spiders.

“Brother!” The First half-Dragon says, to which he snarls and let’s out a roar at the top of his lungs… Everyone, fueled by their rage, are ignorant of the slight shaking of the ground, but he keeps his mouth shut for now, hoping it isn’t what he fears it is, and rushes to the remaining half dragon as his eyes glow with a dark aura.

Who keeps his mouth shut and hopes? The first half-dragon? Everyone? What is going on?

“It’s time to end this…! DARK SHADOOOOW!”

It’s sort of like this:

Except it sucks.

The Kenku shouts as a pair of taloned fists appear out of the ki that emerges from the darkness for his cloaked body, and releases a black aura of ki energy that wounds the Half-Dragon, but as the creature opens it’s mouth to shout in pain, a pissed off flash of light flies through the dark aura, carrying some of the dark energy with it and pierces the open mouth of the Half-Dragon and impales it’s brain.

I have no idea what just happened except for the author farting out another run-on sentence.

Nevermore, the Kenku,

Oh, fuck you. Kenku only being able to speak through mimicry seems to me like it’s probably an actually subtle and almost clever reference to “The Raven,” and you specifically avoided that detail only to give us this, which is objectively a terrible name.

takes a moment to feel the motion of the ground as Evolyne rushes to Durgaul and Longclaw, healing their injuries as best as she can with a flourish of her sword.

Silabar: I, ah, don’t think that’s what swords are for.

With this, everyone decides to catch their breath, only for Eryn to notice Nevermore keeping his hand on the ground. “Nevermore, what’s wrong?”

Midnight Dreary: I just realized there’s no balm in Gilead.

Eryn asks as he and Mina go to see what the Kenku is sensing, only for the Kenku to look out the window.

“EVERYONE, GET AWAY FROM THAT WINDOW!” Nevermore shouts, to which everyone manages to dodge out of the way, save for Eryn and Mina, who both get a full blast of the flames that erupt through the window and wall, which has been burned and broken.

Silabar: Why did you keep the fight indoors?!

In walks in a hulking Half-Dragon, red in coloration, but more muscular and in less armor than his compatriots, the creature looking to the side as he sees his two fallen comrades.

Yes, more muscular and less armored than his compatriots, whose muscularity and armor was described to us in such detail. See, I drew you a picture:

*Bats holds up a blank sheet of paper*

“You will burn…” The Creature says.

Fiona, dumbstruck with what she is seeing, decides to take cover and hide, to await for a moment to strike at this creature.

Kane: We’ve demonstrated rather acutely that the tabaxi needed not be struck to become dumb.

Eryn, barely picks himself up from the burns on his back, glares at the Half-Dragon in front of him.

“Of course those were just the small fry…” Eryn says, steadying himself with his spear, and looking at the creature, before him, his body glowing with a psionic, eldritch aura as what appears to be a suit of armor made of magic flows over his garments.

Kane: It seems you’ll be fried.

Also, fucking periods. Use them.

“Well, let’s get busy…” He then swallows something… A Chili Pepper… And as he does so, a frigid mist flows up his esophagus and out of his mouth, to which Eryn opens his maw wide to release a loud burping sound, with a frigid mist being unleashed on the Half-Dragon, who takes the attack by holding out his shield in front of him, which only prevents the frost from touching too much of his body, but still inflicting damage upon him.

“That was a neat trick boy… Thinking you can imitate us dragons like that…” The Half-Dragon says, smiling as he glares at the Sorcerer. “Well now I’ll have to kill you for wounding my pride like that.”

Silabar: But… why… a… pepper…?

Kane: And to use… frost breath…?

Now that’s what I call a chilly pepper.

*Long silence*

Kane: Be thankful, peons. I will be responsible for the riff while your odious usual host respawns.

But I’m not d-

*Eldritch Blast’d*

“NOT IF I KILL YOU FIRST!” Drugo roars, his mouth glowing with sapphire blue energy that causes his teeth to vibrate intensely.

Silabar: That strikes me as a bad sign. Have you considered seeing a healer about your teeth?

Kane: Alternatively, have you considered keeling over and dying?

My teeth always vibrate when I give speeches. Weird feeling.

Kane: How are you back already?

I know when I’m needed.

Kane: It’s when you’re not needed that you seem to struggle with.

Biting down on the dragon’s sword arm, he clings on as best as he can to try and hold the creature down.

Silabar: He’s not a creature, he’s a person. A likely disagreeable sort of person whose existence was very poorly foreshadowed, but most certainly a person.

Kane: A pity. Creatures are marginally more tolerable.

Technically under both the rules and a strict literal definition, people are creatures!

Silabar: That is not my point.

Kane: I no longer prefer creatures.

Longclaw follows up his ally’s attack with a swipe from his claws, landing a deep cut on the Half-Dragon’s face, who just smirks as he remains focused on his target.

And the gong rapidly approaching his face.

Throwing Drugo off and onto a table, which breaks, the Half-Dragon Gladiator

He’s a gladiator? What?

i don’t know anything about music but the youtube genre of badly played classical music is oddly fascinating

(I think I know what’s going on, though the author’s not doing us any favors in the department of explaining it. As I believe I’ve discussed before but it was a while ago, the rulebooks have stats for common archetypes of NPC statted up as monsters for quick use. As an example of how the half-dragon template is applied, the Monster Manual includes as an example the “veteran” NPC statblock converted to a half-red dragon. The first two must have been that, while the author grabbed the somewhat tougher “gladiator” stablock and applied the template to that to make the new guy. The thing is that this guy is not a gladiator in any discernable way, or if he is, the characters have no way to infer it. Which would fine, in a purely mechanical sense, because statistically “gladiator” just means “strong but light-armored humanoid combatant with a spear.” Except he’s called a gladiator in-story.)

swings his spear three times, the first two intentionally missing their mark so that the third can land a mighty hit, impaling the Half-Drow through the chest, missing his heart and lungs, but dealing near lethal damage.

Kane: That is a remarkably incompetent means of describing feints.

Silabar: Additionally, this feels too obvious to say, and yet… spears are thrusting weapons. Why are you swinging one?

Durgaul, recovering, looks in horror as he sees his friend hanging limp, bringing him back to another time this had happened…

He remembers terrifying eldritch pods holding prisoners inside, Eryn being one of them.

SUDDEN FLASHBACK

Kane: Eldritch, you say?

Humanoid Aberrations walking towards Eryn with a tadpole in their hand, holding him in place as it is inserted into his eye…

Kane: Ahh, mind flayers. Now things are getting interesting.

Silabar: Has anyone ever told you that you are a disturbing individual?

Kane: It has been mentioned. Mind flayers, who I believe have been described in general previously, transform others into more of their kind by means of parasitic tadpoles implanted in the brain. Remarkably efficient and uncomplicated.

These bad memories bring back the horrors, trauma, and trials the two had suffered together, becoming like brothers in the process, and the Dragon roars in fury and sorrow as his friend is tossed off the spear to bleed out.

Yeah, his… friend, who we… only just heard about halfway through this chapter.

Damos, seeing the pain and anger his new friend is suffering, feels his own rage boil up as he, once again, speaks the Oath of Conquest in Infernal,

Oh, crap, here he goes trying to be a Red Lantern again.

charging up his Guiding Bolt, and unleashes it with the fury of his siblings behind him, his rage fueling and strengthening his bond with his father and siblings.

Kane: Oh, he is so angry he must make reference to his relatives’ anger. Observe as I quake in my very boots.

This fervor carries over the Ana, who jumps at the gladiator as well, sinking her fangs deeply into it, envenomating him. Throwing her off, the half-Dragon, poisoned, wounded, and weak, falls to his knees as he sees, dead ahead of him, an angry bird glaring at him

with glowing red eyes whilst his feathers stand up in a spiking formation, and the arms he summoned become engorged with ki. “You… FIIIIEEEND!”

Monks have a pool of points they can use for various purposes, including buffing their attacks… but that’s a really weird way of phrasing that.

The Bird, in a flurry of enraged dark energy, starts unleashing blow after blow after blow at the Half-Dragon Gladiator, who roars in agony as he is beaten to the brink of death, only for vines to entangle and restrain the birdman, who is roaring in anger. Durgaul walks past them and steps up to the Half-Dragon, who laughs weakly as life begins to pass from him. “So it seems we have some decent opponents… But it won’t help you much when you go against our father, Vermithor, in Romania…” the Half-Dragon says,

Are they not in Romania? Then… still in Ukraine? Maybe Moldova? Why are three of this dragon’s kids all in the same town so far from his actual base?

“Enjoy your victory while you can… It is only the calm… before… the storm…” Durgaul, not wanting to hear anymore, bites down on the Half-Dragon, and rips his head off, a roar of fury and triumph escaping his maw.

Silabar: How… graphic.

However, the victory is short-lived as the people rush to the inn, finding the ones who saved them desperately trying to recover. Thankfully, the Innkeeper, having snuck out the back during the fighting, had found a Cleric in the nearby temple and they bring Eryn to a room upstairs, where they work on healing the Half-Drow’s burns, whilst Durgaul sits in the room, constantly watching the door.

Yes, the twenty-five foot dragon will be very helpful sitting in that small room. Good job, Durrgaul.

A Few Hours Later…

The majority of the group sits in the lobby of the Inn, all of them silently praying to whatever god or spirits they hold in their hearts to spare Eryn’s life, in which none of them have seen Durgaul since the healer took the young half-elf away to be tended to. However, their thoughts are interrupted as a man walks down the stairs, the Cleric, who smiles at them. “Your friend is in the clear, he’s stable and will make a full recovery in a few days!” Everyone breathes a sigh of relief.

Silabar: Typically, magical healing of the sort a cleric (of which deity, though…?) performs will either do all its work or fail within a few seconds.

Yeah, but that wouldn’t let the author use cliches.

“Though there was something I found rather odd about this whole thing…”

Kane: Just one thing?

“What is it?” Damos asks.

“Aren’t Sapphire Dragons and Drow usually at each other’s throats? I mean Sapphire Dragons eat spiders, and Drow worship spiders.”

And, you know, drow are at everyone’s throats.

“Apparently they became friends while escaping the Underdark…” Ember explains, “But that’s just about all we know…”

Silabar: You did not even learn that; only the reader heard anything about it.

“Well I think it’s safe to go upstairs and talk to that dragon friend of yours! So why don’t you go ask him the details?” The Cleric suggests. Everyone, looking at each other, decides to go upstairs,

Kane: They needed to have this suggested to them by a complete stranger? Do not mistake me; I would not speak to the wyrm myself, because he is annoying, but I would recognize the possibility and consciously avoid it.

and it doesn’t take them long to find the room that Eryn is located in, and the Dragon is watching over his friend like a hawk, but when the door opens, he tenses for a moment, but calms down when he sees it’s the rest of the party.

“Hello… Is everything alright?”

No, most of it’s pretty bad.

“It will be now…” Durgaul says, breathing a sigh of relief seeing it’s the party.

“Uhm…” Everyone gathers as Ember speaks up, “You never told us in full detail how you two met and what happened to make you friends…”

“Or at all.”

“Well It’s a long story but…” Durgaul says, but smiles.

Durrgaul: … This chapter is already stupidly long, and in for a penny, in for a pound, right?

And then suddenly everything is in bold and italics.

I guess I can take you back to when we first met… It was no more than a few days after I had been banished from the nest that I was traveling through the passages of the Underdark and took a wrong turn… This wrong turn nearly had my brain taken over by an Intellect Devourer,

It went something like this:

(It took me forever to get around to actually watching that movie but I love it.)

in which I had barely time to kill it before I was taken by… Them…

Kane: Them?

THEEEE-

Kane: Cease.

Illithids… Mind Flayers… Aberrant Humanoids from beyond time that captures mortals, feast on their brains, and use them as both slaves and as a means for their reproduction.

Wow, the fic actually explained something. Roughly accurately, even! I’m almost impressed.

I was stunned and taken into their colony to be experimented on, only for my stupidly good luck

(Also known as the author)

to save my hide as I broke free of my mental shackles, somehow, and blundered my way into the Transformation Chambers, where they were in the middle of changing prisoners into their own kin. Thankfully, using my breath weapon, i managed to interrupt the ceremony, and a revolt began amongst those captured. Eryn was the last to be implanted, and when we escaped, Eryn lead the way to the surface.

Kane: Just like that? I do not wish to be the one to inform you (that is a lie; I relish the opportunity to crush your feeble hopes), but the illithids likely staged your escape as part of an extended experiment. It explains the degradation of higher reasoning abilities.

It was by sheer luck that we managed to evade the many dangers of the Underdark, and in the coming week, we barely managed to escape, collapsing from starvation once we entered the surface. Thankfully, some Selandrine Drow who worshipped Eilistraee found us,

The Seldarine is the elven pantheon of gods (in the Forgotten Realms setting). Which Eilistraee is not part of. She is in the Dark Seldarine with the other drow gods. She’s probably more closely aligned with the Seldarine ideologically, but the distinction is not good vs. evil, it’s surface vs. drow.

I am guessing it was around this point when the author played Baldur’s Gate 3, which prominently features mind flayers and refers to surface/non-Lolth-worshipping drow as “Seldarine Drow.” I have not played it myself, though (I intend to; I am playing the first game currently), so I can’t offer much more commentary than what I just said.

brought us back to health, and their clerics actually discovered that the Tadpole that had been implanted into Eryn’s eye had not begun the process of eating Eryn’s brain.

Kane: I am unsurprised. There was nothing to eat.

What we found was that the Tadpole itself was of a rare sort that Illithids generally try to ensure don’t survive, a Zeothilid Tadpole… These rare Tadpoles are even rarer that Ulitharid Tadpoles, as Zeothilids are not evil by nature, they are infact good-aligned Mind Flayer Tadpoles, and are generally destroyed on principle.

Kane: Mind flayers are quite outside your petty notions of morality. An Ulitharid is a being caused by a mutation in the tadpole-parasite which forms a smarter and more powerful mind flayer, a sort of “noble” among their kind capable of eventually mutating into an elder brain, the ultimate rulers of illithid society. A “zeothilid” is gibberish as far as I am aware.

Zeothilid Tadpoles, as we learned, form symbiotic bonds with their hosts, granting them a portion of an Illithid or even, on rare occasions, Ulitharid’s powers, turning their hosts into Aberrant Mind Sorcerers, granting them the powers of both Magic and Psionics.

Right, so, sorcerers. Sorcerers are one of the generalist magic-using classes-

*Kane scoffs*

-distinguished from wizards in lore by being born with magic for one reason or another, and mechanically by using a smaller selection of spells but being able to modify their effects. Sorcerers’ subclasses are called sorcerous origins, basically being the explanations why they have magic. Aberrant mind sorcerers, introduced in one of Travezty’s apparent favorite sourcebooks Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything, are sorcerers who gained magic by a connection to aberrant psychic forces.

Kane: Specifically by accident. If they had known what they were doing, they would be warlocks of the Great Old One, and thus could count themselves among the least useless magic users instead of the most.

Ignore him. Like all Tasha’s Cauldron subclasses, the aberrant mind sorcerer’s lore is terminally vague, so all of this “zeothilid” stuff is all the author’s contribution.

However, this isn’t done for free, as the Zeothilid still requires sustenance in exchange for this power, and this sustenance comes in the form of Psionic Energy from other beings, which the Tadpole passively absorbs from others the host draws near, but feasts upon the psionic energies of those it’s hosts harms and kills when it uses weapons or spells, ripping away negligible portions of psionic energy that don’t harm their opponent, but are enough to feed the tadpole.

So, not for free, but with no effort or consequences.

However, all good things will eventually come to an end, and the Tadpole will someday finish the transformation it should have started, however, it will only begin once it’s host has decided it wishes to die, in which the natural Ceremorphosis Process shall be accelerated to compensate for it’s dying host, and, unlike the usual case, the host will be put to sleep as the transformation begins, to avoid bringing them any agony as they die and pass on from this world. What will be left in Eryn’s place when all is said and done will be a Zeothilid, an aberration that hasn’t been seen in hundreds of thousands of years… However, the Zeothilid will be as powerful as an Elder Brain, but without any of it’s inherent wickedness…

How utterly, perhaps impossibly convenient, on all fronts!

Mind flayers are, like, the textbook example of a D&D monster that you pretty much can’t play sympathetically, and the author is still trying to make a good guy version. Amazing.

After we obtained this information, I was a bit conflicted about the fact my friend was hosting an aberration’s tadpole in him, but then again, it is extremely rare that any Aberration is good, with my only example being that of the Flumphs, and that is generally the only known Aberration that is good.

*Alarms blare*

*The DRD flumph squad of flumphs floats floatingly into the riffing chamber*

D’aww.

Flumphs are friendly psychic jellyfish that subsist on good vibes and offer helpful advice; they’re chill. And they are indeed unique or at least rare as an aberration that doesn’t want to eat your soul and condemn the universe to eternal madness.

So deciding to put aside my doubts, Eryn and I continued our friendship, and we even became able to speak telepathically with each other, and with the Tadpole, whom Eryn named Venom.

Oh goddammit, that’s what you’re ripping off. I should’ve figured this was smelling too much like an original idea.

After a time we spent together, Eryn went off to have adventures of his own, and not long after that, I ran into Damos!

Weird how we skipped all this nonsense. Anyway, the random bold italic first-person narration stops here.

“And that is about it!” Durgaul explains, having told everyone his story telepathically so as not to disturb the sleep of his closest friend.

You do not have telepathy.

Everyone seems to nod as they think on this, and while it does disturb them that their friend is hosting an aberration, with the information they learned about Zeothilids, it puts them at ease. After this, Damos decides that everyone should get some rest, as they now have to plan on how to deal with an angry Adult Red Dragon soon, and as much rest as possible would be helpful.

You said this dragon was weak. Adult is the second-highest of the four age groups dragon stat blocks are sorted into, and red dragons are generally tied with gold ones for the highest challenge rating in any given age group.

Ember, however, decides not to leave the room, and lies down next to Durgaul, and looks into his eyes.

“Durgaul… I want to continue our conversation from earlier today, if you don’t mind…?” Ember says, looking into his eyes.

Why?

Of course… Now… Where to begin…?

I would rather end, as this is indeed the end of the chapter. Finally.