0348: My Inner Life – Chapters 17 and 18

Title: My Inner Life
Author: Link’s Queen
Media: Video game
Topic: The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Genre: Nonsense
Critiqued by: BatJamags; MisterShoebox; Linstar; Yuki, la poétesse de neige; Delta XIII

Bats: Hello, wardens and lunatics! 

Ls: Another week, another dose of the toxin that is My Inner Life.

Delta:

Shoe: Yaaaaaaaaay I am going to get even with you, Bats. I have no idea how yet. It’s going to involve a sack full of rabid weasels but mark my words, revenge will be mine.

Bats: Since this fic’s deciding to have a plot this late in the game is so random, our first chapter can only be…

The Encounter

Bats: Roll for initiative!

*Ls’ Role the Dice flashbacks intensify.*

Ls: Stay away, Drugo! No peeking!

Delta: *dice rolling noises* …how the hell does a D20 land on its corner?!

Bats: Very carefully.

Grabbling my bow and my (9)Phoenix circles

Bats: Oh, boy, let’s take a look at the doubtless perfectly well thought-through explanation for whatever those are!

Ls: Must we?

0347: Wild At Heart (Zuko): Chapters 72-78 – FINALE!

Wild At Heart (Zuko) 

Title: Wild At Heart (Zuko) 

Author: Lone-wolf-fanfics

Topic: Avatar: The Last Airbender

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Critiqued by: Linstar

He-llo, I’m Linstar and this is the last part of Wild At Heart. I finally have realized that the fic capitalizes the “At”, which would make my WaH initialization wrong. However, that’s grammatically incorrect, so I’m keeping my initialization. Sue me.

Last time, the Sue continued her regurgitation of The Puppeteer, and it was bland and boring. 

Our counters:

Sunny Scene Change: 6

Be Original!: 58

Get… to… the… point!: 252

Sentenced. To. Death: 409

On to the fic!    

Chapter Seventy-Two               

Hama was apprehended by the same prisoners that she kept in chains but to get there, Katara was forced to do things she didn’t want to. 

Oh, so we’re just telling the plot regurgitation instead of showing it now. Blegh.

Forced to use a bending technique that she had never considered before. 

That doesn’t sound so bad without context.

Sentenced. To. Death: 410

0346: Role the Dice: Asteriskos Sapphirus – “Session” 5, Part 2

Title: Role the Dice: Asteriskos Sapphirus
Author: Travezty
Media: Tabletop RPG
Topic: Dungeons & Dragons
Genre: Adventure / Romance
URL: Chapter 6
Critiqued by BatJamags, Kane, and Silabar the Librarian

Hello once again, wardens and lunatics. Last time, the author’s self-insert raped the insert of his girlfriend. Fuck this fic.

The Next Day…

After everyone has had their long rest,

Oh, god, can you not hurl us right back into the game mechanics after… whatever the hell it was you just did.

though some of it was disturbed thanks to the two love birds,

the group continues on their way along the trail, but, strangely enough, after Eryn and Nevermore check the maps they got, it turns out that one of the ruins that is mentioned on the Dragon’s Map is that there is a ruin not far ahead of them, and, after some calculations, reveals the route between the fork which passes by the ruin and to their destination, is only altered by a few hours, and there is a city just north east of it, so they can sell any of the stuff that they got from previous adventures.

*One moment please. Your riffer has suffocated from trying to read that run-on sentence.*

0345: War is Anything but Patriotic – Chapters 1-3

Title: War is Anything but Patriotic

Author: inuhime313

Topic: The Patriot

Media: Film

Genre: Adventure, Romance

URL: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3   

Critiqued by: Em Kay

Important note from the editor:

If you choose to read this fic on your own, make sure you are using the desktop version of the site, and not the mobile version. Due to formatting issues within the fic, the mobile version is not coherent.

Greetings and salutations, Wardens and lunatics. I’m Em Kay, your snarker for today and, judging from my neighbors’ sudden need to set off extremely loud fireworks every night, it’s that time of year again.

*Em opens a desk drawer, takes out a laptop covered with various holiday themed stickers, and opens it.*

What festive fic we can fi-

*Em is immediately hit in the face by a fic completely covered in American flags.*

Well, I guess we’ve got our fic. Let’s see what homage to patriotism we’ve uncovered this time.

*Em gently leafs through the flags to find the title.*

War is Anything but Patriotic

A preachy yet potentially edgy title. And it’s rated M for… *Em flips through the fic* …some swearing and a very mild sex scene.

So this fic is based on the movie The Patriot, a film from 2000 set mostly in 1778, during the Revolutionary War. Let’s just take a look at the summary to see exactly what we’re dealing with.

When Benjamin Martin’ oldest daughter Rebecca gives up her freedom to Colonel William Tavington to save her younger brother Thomas’s life, her life is confusing. Will she fall for the Colonel or will she pass information to the militia? TavingtonOC.

Wow. That’s pretty creepy, to be honest, but we’re going to need an infodump for you to understand why.

0344: This Episode of Badfic is Called

Title: This Episode of Bluey is Called Punishment and Toilet Training

Author: Lycans are Gods Gift To Furrys (for the former) and BELover for the latter

Media: TV Show

Topic: Bluey

Genre: Crappypasta (for the former), Unknown (for the latter)

URL: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/14191085/1/ and https://bluey-fanon.fandom.com/wiki/(HELP_WANTED!!!)_Bluey_Season_4_Episode_4_-_Toilet_Training

Critiqued by: mysteryleap

I have two short badfics for you today, and yes, they’re about Bluey. I know some of you might be angry that Bluey badfic exists, but don’t shoot the messenger! The first one is on FF.Net, the second is a wiki devoted to Bluey fanfic that I found incidentally during a Google search related to the show.

WARNING: The first contains a character being murdered, although it’s a Crappypasta, so it’s impossible to take seriously.

0343: My Inner Life – Chapter 16

Title: My Inner Life
Author: Link’s Queen
Media: Video game
Topic: The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Genre: Nonsense
Critiqued by: BatJamags; Delta XIII; Linstar; MisterShoebox; Ben the Destroyer; Yuki, la poetèsse de neige 

EDITING NOTE: This was meant to go up a little over twenty-four hours ago, but I somehow scheduled it for the complete wrong day and time? Uh, anyway, it exists now.

Bats: Hello, wardens and lunatics! This is going to be a short one, since the previous and next chunks work out better this way. I’m sure you’re all disappointed.

Delta:

Ls: This sounds… promising?

Shoe: At least it’s short. Yaaaaay.

Benji: I don’t have an excuse when I fall asleep again. 

*Alarms blare early*

Bats: I- what? What happened?! We haven’t even started the fi-

*The DRD arrives early, before they normally would, preemptively breaking into the riffing chamber before they have cause to and capturing a worm, which they take.*

Bats: I, um, that was… certainly something that just happened.

Ls: I’m not sure why, though.

Bats: Uh, anyway, let’s move on…

Down the Road

Bats: … shall we?

0342: Wild At Heart Chapters 65-71

Wild At Heart (Zuko) 

Title: Wild At Heart (Zuko) 

Author: Lone-wolf-fanfics

Topic: Avatar: The Last Airbender

Genre: Hurt/Comfort (emphasis on hurt)

Critiqued by: Linstar

Hello all. I’m Linstar, and I’ve calmed down. I’m alone this week, and we’ve only got two more to go, so… thanks for small mercies. Anyway, last time Death Kermit and Zuko ended the naturebender village arc abruptly so they could go off and regurgitate some more. The counters and bingo board:

Sunrise Scene Change: 4

Be Original!: 47

Get… to… the… point!: 247

Sentenced. To. Death: 378

Chapter Sixty-Five                           

The sun is setting 

Yeah, I’m counting it.

Sunrise Scene Change: 5

0341: Role the Dice: Asteriskos Sapphirus – “Session” 5, Part 1

Title: Role the Dice: Asteriskos Sapphirus
Author: Travezty
Media: Tabletop RPG
Topic: Dungeons & Dragons
Genre: Adventure / Romance
URL: Chapter 6
Critiqued by BatJamags, Kane, and Silabar the Librarian

WARNING: TRAVEZTY WRITES A SEX SCENE WHERE, DESPITE SOME EXCUSE-MONGERING, ONE PARTY IS CLEARLY NOT ABLE TO GIVE INFORMED CONSENT. I’VE CUT MOST OF THE SCENE ITSELF, BUT MOST OF THIS PART IS GOING TO BE RELATED TO IT.

Hello once again, wardens and lunatics! We’re back with yet more of whatever this is.

Um, okay, recap, recap, something must’ve happened last chapter, right…? … No… not really. I mean, they wandered around a church for an eternity or two, bumbling into an absolute laundry list of loot, then they just so happened to shelter in a cave with a dragon in it, which they killed for even more loot.

Argh. Hopefully we won’t have to deal with any marathons like tha-

A/N:WHAT’S UP MUCKACHUNGAS!? It’s Travez here, and I’m here to bring you my longest session yet!

*Bats sighs and turns to see a warning sign bolted to the wall which says “NO HOPING IN THE ASYLUM” in big red bold type*

0340: The Ides of March – Chapter 2, Part 2

Title: The Ides of March

Author: eventidespirit 

Topic: Gundam Wing, Sailor Moon, LOTR

Media: Anime

Genre: Humor, Adventure

URL: Chapter 2 

Critiqued by: Em Kay

Greetings and salutations, Wardens and lunatics. I’m Em Kay, your snarker for the day, and with me is the very reluctant Harri.

Harri: Just get on with it. I’ve put this off long enough already.

Alright, alright. Today we’re finishing up this Sailor Moon x LOTR x supposedly Gundam Wing crossover, although that part hasn’t shown itself yet. This is the last half of the last chapter, though, so at least in theory it should appear in here somewhere.

Last time, we were treated to another long, rambling, supposedly Lord of the Rings flavored “parody” in the not-fic portion of the fic before the author finally got around to the actual fic. With Amy as the new protagonist, we were subjected to an equally boring but somehow even dumber scene of Ms. Haruna, the newly promoted principal of their school, being vain, obsessed with hot pink, and pining over Jadeite, or as she knows him, Mr. Jed. Amy eventually got fed up with Ms. Haruna’s new characterization and bailed, heading to the bathroom.

0339: My Inner Life – Chapters 13-15

Title: My Inner Life
Author: Link’s Queen
Media: Video game
Topic: The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Genre: Nonsense
Critiqued by: BatJamags; Linstar; MisterShoebox; Delta XIII; Ben the Destroyer; Em Kay; Yuki, la poetèsse de neige

Bats: Hello, wardens and lunatics!

Ls: Hell. O.

Bats: Unnecessary O; recommend deleting. … Wait, this isn’t the Google Docs comments, is it?

Ls: No, but it is Hell.

Bats: That would explain all the paints; should’ve brought a smock.

Ls: Hell is Satan’s art studio. 

Ls: …I’m sure someone else has said that before. 

Shoe: Hi, Bats! I just want you to know that I’m happy to be here and I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW.

Bats: That’s what I’m here for.

Delta: I’ve returned, and I’m going to make it everyone else’s problem.

Ls: Great.

Benji: I somehow dropped off to sleep in the last riff. Did I miss anything? 

Ls: Not anything of worth, to be sure.

Bats: If we’re all together, I think it’s time for…

The Separation

Yuki: Yay.

Bats: Bye, everybody.

Delta: Parting is such sweet sorrow…

*Ls begins to weep at the emotional departure.*