0314: Wild At Heart (Shut Up!) Chapters Thirty, Thirty-One, Thirty-Two, Thirty-Three, and Thirty-Four (Wattpad numbering)

Wild At Heart (Zuko) 

Title: Wild At Heart (Zuko) 

Author: Lone-wolf-fanfics

Topic: Avatar: The Last Airbender

Genre: Hurt/Comfort (emphasis on hurt)

Critiqued by Linstar.

*A trapdoor opens in the center of the riffing chamber, and Ls’ head peeks through, scanning for anyone else.*

Okay, I think the orderlies have been distracted enough by that fight I started in the Cafeteria for me to be able to have a single riff on my terms, in my chamber, without Em’s “lock them all up together so I can have some peace and quiet” nonsense, or Bats trying to kidnap me, for that matter. It’s too bad Nurse Jimson and Brian had to have a falling out like they did, but hey, that’s life. 

Anyway, hello everyone, and welcome back to the Asylum and Wild at Heart; the fanfic where our favorite knockoff Poison Ivy Sue just got a useless Digimon (which might be related to the fic’s name) to accompany her in regurgitating the second season of ATLA. Our bingo board and counters are thusly:

Be Original!: 21

Sentenced. To. Death: 173 

Get… to… the… point!: 90

Readers

Yes?

0309: Wild At Heart (Zuko): Chapters 27-32

Wild At Heart (Zuko) 

Title: Wild At Heart (Zuko) 

Author: Lone-wolf-fanfics

Topic: Avatar: The Last Airbender

Genre: Hurt/Comfort (emphasis on hurt)

Critiqued by: Linstar 

Hello, wonderful Wardens and lunatics, and welcome back to the Asylum. Last time on WaH, Death Kermit got amnesia, only to have it reversed for no reason. There was also a mountain of plot regurgitation, and that’s about it. The bingo board and counters are thusly:

Sentenced. To. Death: 150

Be Original!: 12

Get… to… the… point!: 73

0305: Wild at Heart (Zuko) Chapters 23-26

Wild At Heart (Zuko) 

Title: Wild At Heart (Zuko) 

Author: Lone-wolf-fanfics

Topic: Avatar: The Last Airbender

Genre: N/A Hurt/Comfort, it appears

Critiqued by: Linstar 

Hello, everyone, and welcome back to Wild at Heart, where Zuko and Death Kermit are regurgitating the plot of “The Chase”. I’m your host, Linstar, and I’m getting bored. However, some questions still remain. Will the grammatical torture end? Will Kali be a decent character? Will the plot regurgitation ever end? Let’s find out! Here are our counters, and our bingo board:

0289: Wild At Heart Chapters 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, and 22

Wild At Heart (Zuko) 

Title: Wild At Heart (Zuko) 

Author: Lone-wolf-fanfics

Topic: Avatar: The Last Airbender

Genre: N/A; the fic is hosted on Wattpad and AO3

Critiqued by: Linstar 

Greetings, y’all, and welcome to the Asylum. I’m your host, Linstar, and today we have yet more chapters of Wild At Heart after more than a month. Will we get more decent characterization, or will the Suefluence and awful SPaG win out? 

I’m honestly kinda hyped. It’s been so long since I did any of this, between that Valentines oneshot mess and Duolingo driving me insane. Anyway, I would like you remind you of our counters:

Be Original!: 3

Get… to… the… point!: 3

Sentenced. To. Death: 42

And our bingo card:

Let’s get into it!

0271: Suvian at Heart: Chapters 13, 14, 15, 16

Wild At Heart (Zuko)

Title: Wild At Heart (Zuko) 

Author: Lone-wolf-fanfics

Topic: Avatar: The Last Airbender

Genre: N/A; the fic is hosted on Wattpad and AO3

Critiqued by: Linstar and Carlisle Cressington

Heeeello and welcome back to the Asylum! I’m Linstar, and this is Carlisle Cressington! Say hi, Carlisle!

Carlisle: I refuse to dignify you with a response.

Carlisle is one of my PPC Agents, and I’ve featured his partner Mina in a few of my riffs, though it’s been a while. For some reason I don’t understand, Carlisle didn’t want to riff this fic with me; I had to get Mina to help me bring him here the same way I get Shoe to come. 

Carlisle: Has it not occurred to you that you are a megalomaniac and a danger to those around you, or that I might like a BREAK from dealing with yet more awful fanfiction?

*Ls sticks his tongue out at Carlisle*

Carlisle: I can see why Mina helped you with this task.

Also, I’ve decided to add counters:

Sentenced. To. Death: For when the fic has unnecessary sentence fragments.

Be Original!: For when the fic steals scenes directly from canon.

And of course, we have our bingo card:

With that in mind, let’s begin!

0254: Suvian At Heart: Chapters 8, 9, 10, 11, and 12

Wild At Heart (Zuko) Chapters 

Title: Wild At Heart (Zuko) 

Author: Lone-wolf-fanfics

Topic: Avatar: The Last Airbender

Genre: N/A; the fic is hosted on Wattpad and AO3

Critiqued by Linstar.

Heeello, my fellow perving sick-os, and welcome back to the Asylum and Wild At Heart. Last time, we had some glimmers of potential for Death Kermit’s character and way too much word-for-word dialogue regurgitation. Also sentence fragments.

Also, I know Em Kay came up with the idea a month or so ago, but I’m doing the bingo thing too.

I’ve made a megaboard with 92 different possibilities (tell me any suggestions to add in the comments!), and if you want an autogenerated card of your own, here’s a link.

So far I have “follows the canon plot with an OC added”, “incredibly OP Sueperpowers”, “Mary Sue”, “setting-breaking addition to canon”, “sentence fragments”, and “pointless character bios”, and “Sue is some kind of new species”.

Let’s see what it has in store for us today!

Chapter 8: Chapter Five

*Silent alarms blare*

*The DCB march into Ls’ riffing chamber, handing him a stack of paperwork. They leave the mountain of paperwork behind, exiting via the entrance. *

I’m gonna need to come up with some countermeasures for this fic, given how often it summons those guy.

0244: Wild At Heart (Zuko) Chapters 4, 5, 6, 7

Wild At Heart (Zuko) Chapters 4, 5, 6, 7

Title: Wild At Heart (Zuko) 

Author: Lone-wolf-fanfics

Topic: Avatar: The Last Airbender

Genre: N/A; the fic is hosted on Wattpad and AO3

Critiqued by: Linstar

Hi, and welcome back to the Asylum! Welcome back to the Sue-y badness that is Wild At Heart. Last time, we had more sentence fragments than actual sentences, all of the trivialization, and a Sue so OP she puts Kiacstu to shame. Maybe.

Chapter 4: Chapter One

*Silent alarms blare*

*The DCA peacefully violently enter the riffing chamber by leaving, chaotically putting everything in order. They depart while arriving.*

Kali follows Iroh as he leads her through the little village. She gets a few looks from those that they pass. She has no shoes and she bears the collar and gauntlets that mark her as a slave. They know where she stands in the order of the world. At the bottom. Right down there in the dirt. She lets out a breath and wraps an arm around herself. He leads her to a small hut, though it is in a lot better condition compared to Raya’s. A little on the larger size too.

This isn’t terrible, but it is so choppy.

……..

Zuko sits meditating 

0236: Wild At Heart (Zuko) – “Chapters” One, Two, and Three

Wild At Heart (Zuko) Chapters 1, 2, 3

Title: Wild At Heart (Zuko) 

Author: Lone-wolf-fanfics

Topic: Avatar: The Last Airbender

Genre: N/A; the fic is hosted on Wattpad and AO3

Critiqued by: Linstar

Brief warning: this post contains mentions of genocide, slavery, and forced prostitution.

*A young man climbs up through a trapdoor in the middle of the empty riffing room. He goes to his desk and sits down, pressing a button that instantly ignites the fireplace behind him.*

Aaaah, that’s better.

Ahem.

Welcome back to the Asylum, friends. Today I have yet another Avatar fic for you all. It’s on Wattpad and it has way too many chapters, and it’s the 11-th-most popular ATLA fanfic on the site. I think it’s best we just get into this one.

Nature-benders are an incredibly rare and dangerous type of bender that is thought to have become extinct along with the air-benders. 

And there we have our first giant NOPE.

There is no such thing as “nature-benders” (why does it have a hyphen, anyway?) nor should there be! ATLA magic just doesn’t work that way. Waterbenders can already control plants and animals (though, of course, that doesn’t mean all of them can to any extent)! What is the point of adding a fifth type of bending? Metalbending isn’t its own thing, it’s a subdiscipline of earthbending! Same for bloodbending, sandbending, the bending of ice, and lightningbending! All are expansions of other skills. 

Yet, one remains. Kali.

Oh hai Hindu goddess of death. But why are you a “nature-bender” and why are you in a 2019 horror movie ?

0222: harry potter christmas songs & Two Worlds Combine (Double feature)

Title: harry potter christmas songs

Author: m c1

Topic: Harry Potter

Media: Literature

Genre: “Humor”

URL: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/498969/1/

Critiqued by: Linstar

Welcome, everyone, back to the Asylum, where today, we’re covering a couple of random oneshots I threw together, because I wanted to. One is Christmas-y, and the other just exists. They’re both awful, in very different ways. Let’s begin!

This first one is a songfic. In fact, it’s more song than fic, and it really should be nothing more than a bland, unfunny YouTube video. For some reason, it was left on Fanfiction.net, in text form. So… yeah. This is a thing.

Chapter 1: Default Chapter

Well, I mean, it is a chapter, the first chapter default chapter, that is.

*Blaring alarms blare.*

*Ls ducks under the desk while the DRD wander around the room, aimlessly, with no purpose.*

H’A’R’R’Y T’H’E F’A’M’A’S W’I’Z’A’R’D

*The DRD must evacuate the room by leaving due to the apostrophe rain of apostrophes.*

0203: NAMAE NO NAI GARY STU CHRONICLES: AVATAR (Part 3)

Title: NAMAE NO NAI CHRONICLES: AVATAR
Author: Prince of the Forgotten
Medium: TV Series
Topic: Primarily Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Humor, Adventure
Critiqued by: Ls; Yuki, the poet; Em Kay; BatJamags; SC

Warning: fic contains pedophilia, swearing and disturbing (not explicit) descriptions.